Journal Entry

A boy at a party once told me

It's so easy to become nothing

To lose yourself to pills and puffing

To not recognize yourself in a blank screen

when netflix is buffering

Remember who you were last year?

They’re gone. Now you’ve acquired a taste for beer

And you’re feeling pressure from your peers

To take another shot

Alcohol will help you mend, make you spend all your money

Are you even really my friends, or just my drinking buddies?

But really we’re still children

Acting like we know it all

Overdose on psilocybin

Just to feel alive again

Because secretly we’re all lonely and we all feel bland

So chug that wine

It’ll pass the time

And in the meanwhile I’ll roll us a cigarette

Get angry about the debt you’re in

Because if you can put the bong down long enough

To get a degree

You might find out it wasn’t worth it

So I might as well take another hit

Right?

Spent too much time online now I feel like shit

These days it seems like we’re all in a pit

Can’t even trust the goddamn president

And I’ll always remember the skinny white boy

Who didn’t even ask for consent

But you’d rather i not speak of that dramatic event

Because he was your friend

So what am I?

It’s so easy to feel like you’re nothing

To base your self worth on who you are loving

To look at your wrists and resent ever cutting

And everyone around you is buzzing

About how embarrassing you looked on snapchat yesterday

Funny how we’re okay with putting our whole lives on display

Now my lungs are an ashtray and I can’t stop smoking

And they think I’m just joking

Because everytime I speak up I start choking

Why can’t I always be toking?

Taking acid is my default for coping

I’m beginning to feel like I’m nothing

My days are a blur and I’m rushing

To put my life together

Because this year I turn twenty

It’s really not funny, it should be exciting

But inside I’m crying, truthfully I still feel like a kid

Id rather waste time with santi and syd

What’s the point in a career when you’re dead?

A boy at a party once told me

Do what you love to do

But what if the only thing I love

Is getting high and feeling blue?