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Joshua

A Poem

By Ally NorthPublished 11 months ago Updated 9 months ago 2 min read
Top Story - April 2023
44
Joshua
Photo by Japheth Mast on Unsplash

Dear Mom and Dad,

Didn’t you realize we were his Disneyworld?

We were his dream come true, his happy ending.

That night he came to us like a stray dog

Matted hair, tangled, years without a comb

Glancing nervously, clutching a tattered box

Inside was a golf ball, a used calling card, a red checker

Prized possessions collected over nine years of horrifying life.

We had to show him everything, remember?

From how to mix hot and cold water in the shower

To using a fork when he ate his pork chops.

Remember the bedtime stories?

I had outgrown them long before he came

But with him there I could have listened all night

While your read about kings and castles

I would watch his face in the soft light

As memories of his mother’s pervert boyfriends

Shed their slimy skin and he escaped

To a world where nine-year-old boys are innocent

And can grow up to be princes instead of inmates.

And then there was Christmas

You made him a stocking, hung it next to mine

It was then I thought he’d stay.

And I remember the day he talked about it.

A breakthrough, the child psychologist said.

He told us about the pills and his mother’s blue face

That stayed cold and stiff when he tried to wake her.

In Spring you bought him a bicycle

I taught him to ride and soon he was flying,

Pedaling like the past was a thing to be outrun.

In Summer he learned how to swim

No one had ever taken him to a lake before.

Remember how happy we were?

I heard you talk about adoption, you know,

Late at night, when you thought I was asleep.

Maybe that’s why I was so surprised

When you sat us both down

To tell us about your Decision.

He didn’t cry, and I think you should know

He was braver than you’ve ever been

In that moment when our living room split

And opened up to swallow him

He had lost two whole families

To suicide and rejection

And he wasn’t yet ten.

Do you remember the day he left?

We stood on the front lawn

An impatient social worker in the driveway

And he came out, clutching that tattered cardboard box

He didn’t take the bike or the Christmas presents.

Like our family, maybe they were never really his.

Remember how small he looked as the car drove away?

Remember how you held each other and cried?

I hated you then.

And if I ever have children of my own,

If I ever know what it means to truly love a child,

Maybe I’ll finally tell you how often I think of that day

When you gave away my brother

And turned him out into the brutal world

With only a golf ball, a used calling card

And a red checker.

sad poetry
44

About the Creator

Ally North

NYC/Connecticut. I have degrees in Creative Writing and Anthropology; I write a lot of fantasy and spec fiction as well as the occasional stage play. When I'm not writing I'm eating candy and reading about shark attacks and plane crashes.

Reader insights

Outstanding

Excellent work. Looking forward to reading more!

Top insights

  1. Heartfelt and relatable

    The story invoked strong personal emotions

  2. Easy to read and follow

    Well-structured & engaging content

  3. Excellent storytelling

    Original narrative & well developed characters

  1. On-point and relevant

    Writing reflected the title & theme

  2. Expert insights and opinions

    Arguments were carefully researched and presented

  3. Eye opening

    Niche topic & fresh perspectives

  4. Compelling and original writing

    Creative use of language & vocab

  5. Masterful proofreading

    Zero grammar & spelling mistakes

Add your insights

Comments (33)

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  • J. Delaney-Howe9 months ago

    What a heartfelt and tragic piece. Thank you for sharing.

  • Nikhil Thale11 months ago

    Nice work.

  • Kendall Defoe 11 months ago

    This is so heartbreaking. I never had much of a real relationship with my dad, but I did have a family who loved me outside of his world of fear and pain. This is a brilliant examination of what can happen when that love is not there and you have no choice but to leave what should not have to be left behind. A well-deserved Top Story!

  • Linda Rivenbark11 months ago

    There are no words to express how much it hurt to read this Top Story. I just want to turn back time and say, "Wait...can't you see. Nothing can be more important than giving this child a home now!" But I can't, and the tears in my eyes and lump in my throat can't change what happened. I hope and trust that some parents who needed a child as much as he needed a family soon found him and gave him something better than Disney World. I choose to believe that is what happened.

  • Loryne Andawey11 months ago

    This poem is shattering. As glad as I am to see it make the Top Story, I wish it did not have to be written at all. If Joshua is still out there, I hope he finds the home and peace he deserves and that you find peace knowing you did everything you could. Thank you. Take care.

  • Liz Sinclair11 months ago

    As the mother of an adopted child, this letter broke my heart. My daughter was like your brother - she had been rejected and neglected by potential parents until I came along. I knew that one more rejection would turn her into an angry kid, wrapped in barbed wire, so I stayed, which was a really hard decision at the time. But like you, I knew that she needed to be loved, needed family. I'm so sorry your parents couldn't be there for your brother and I totally understand why it's hard to forgive them. I'm not sure I could either.

  • Brenton F11 months ago

    So real and so sad! 😭

  • Oof! That was heartbreaking and so emotional but so damn good. I swear I felt what was happening there, you could really feel the pain. Excellent writing!

  • Heather Hubler11 months ago

    What a punch to the gut and a vice around the heart. This was so tragic. Congratulations on Top Story for his emotional piece.

  • So powerful. Congratulations on Top Story!

  • Lindsey Altom11 months ago

    Wow...I want to go back and hold both of those little boys. Heartbreaking tale and yet beautiful.

  • Carmen Black11 months ago

    You spoke well of the type of pain that stays with you for a lifetime.

  • Caroline Jane11 months ago

    Fucking hell. I am crying. This is possibly the most gut wrenching story i have read on vocal. No more words!

  • Nice📝 ❤️😉Congratulations on your Top Story🎉🎉✨💖🎉🎉

  • Melissa Ingoldsby11 months ago

    This was a very personal piece that every word is felt so viscerally and painfully. So very raw here. Congratulations on top story !

  • Holly Pheni11 months ago

    Wow. This hits hard with powerful truth and all the emotions that go along with them. Subscribed.

  • Gal Mux11 months ago

    Oh sooooo sad.... Heartfelt ❤️ I felt it

  • L.C. Schäfer11 months ago

    Ouch, this one cuts powerfully deep. I don't want to read and run, but I'm going to need to mull on this one before I can comment properly 🤔

  • Gerald Holmes11 months ago

    Well, you have me in tears. This is such a powerful piece. You have a way with words that makes us feel the emotion of that day right along with you. This is truly masterful writing.

  • Cathy holmes11 months ago

    Oh my, Ally. I'm already a fan of your excellent writing as you probably know. I have to say that you've outdone yourself on this one. I'm just sad that it has to be related to such a heartbreaking truth.

  • Saad Zafar11 months ago

    OMG! this rips my heart out💔 Why not check out my story? https://vocal.media/fiction/the-spark-of-rebellion

  • Ahna Lewis11 months ago

    Ally, this poem was truly moving! You expressed this experience and these emotions so well. My hearts breaks for situations like these. Thanks for sharing your poem. ❤

  • Dana Crandell11 months ago

    Powerful doesn't quite describe this one. It hits like a brick to the face! Well done, and welcome to my reading list!

  • OMG, you just cut me open and completely rearranged my insides! Loved, hated and cried....you have a new follower...wow

  • KJ Aartila11 months ago

    Oh - this rips my heart out - I am so sorry for you and Joshua. 💕

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