It should have been us

It should have been us. If it weren't for the pain, I'd be laying next to you right now. If it weren't for the heartbreak, your silence wouldn't be making such thunderous sounds. I didn't know how to get the best out of you. You didn't want to let me in for fear of losing yourself. What exactly did we have together, what did we share? I can't vocalize the despair or the confusion. We were never on the same page. I was afraid of the answers so I didn't ask the important questions. Did I mean less to you over time? Were we ever going to see forever together? It was supposed to be us. We lived in a fantasy where our bodies told a story. Reality told another. You couldn't cross that threshold with me. You wouldn't take that plunge. Our time was running out as the hourglass sealed our fate. It was inevitable that this was finite. I couldn't make us be what we should have been. It's not fair that you saw the ending coming because you sought it. You were always so hollow and spineless. I cannot settle for a chaotic circus and your ravenous monkeys. It turns out I can live without you. I can survive without you. I can actually evolve and outgrow you. It was supposed to be us. My entire world crumbled as I feared the worst had happened. You didn't fear to lose me. It didn't kill you to be without me. It was a long way down off that ladder it took to reach you. There's nothing left to salvage here but the shipwreck pieces of my broken heart. I'm still disappointed in you because you didn't fall apart without me. I wallowed in the devastation your departure abandoned me in. You showed me the kind of person you were and who you would have been had you stayed. It was never going to be us. It's never going to be us. There is no us. I still wish it would have been us