Into the Blue Night

Exhilaration of madness, magnified heartbeats. Darkness. Highs so magical you believe the joy can outrun the darkness. Mad, electric joy of dancing at the abyss, defying the looming emptiness. Darkness. Intoxicating, beautiful, cruel night.

Memories of a half-remembered dream. Paris. Moving through the night. Darkness. Dancing. Darkness. Music pulsing in my bones as the chemicals rushed into my blood stream. Darkness.

Do not go gentle into that good night,

Old age should burn and rave at close of day;

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

(Dylan Thomas)

Depression, a looming shadow cast as far as my mind can remember. Emptiness, void, abyss. Depression has many names, each more poetic than the last. It ebbs and flows, shifting as it rages through the depths of the subconscious. Like walking underwater, battling against an unseen current.

You are adrift on the shore of inexplicable sadness, going deeper and deeper, until all light fades, until there is nothing left of you, but an empty vessel swallowed by a raging, starless night.

In the stillness, symptoms of a fractured mind, depression a silent specter. Together, a serpent curling itself around my being, an invisible storm, confined to the infinity of the human mind, cocaine alchemy, dancing, dancing upon the precipice of darkness.

The night, your sanctuary, clubs your temple, where abandoned souls converge on a relentless quest to conceal the void of this cruel world we have built for ourselves. Under the moon, we seek the cure for being human, in a house of cards, cocaine and the mad ecstasy of being alive.

The world is running, but you’re standing still. Invisible. A specter of your own mind. You watch as life rushes past, a mere observer, powerless. It flows around you, past you, through you. Elusive, like water. Fluid, like you.

Guided by the same nocturnal moon, within the blue ocean, you now surf, surrendering to its infinite currents, within the waves, you learn to dance, outrunning the dark, the night, mere fragments of a half-remembered dream, across the sea, a blue sunrise.