Inside My Broken Mind

Things you don’t know.

Because they’re things you don’t do.

Acknowledging it one month a year because it doesn’t apply to you.

You can say you’re aware but it’s not my eyes you’re looking through.

May is Mental Health Awareness Month, yeah that’s great and all.

But do you think when June hits all of my thoughts have dissolved?

Blood test and medications, doctors and pills.

This is not for attention and it’s not for thrills.

Part of my every day is anxiety and depression.

My thoughts are racing and racing, there’s so much I begin to question.

Am I being irrational? Feeling these things so vividly I HAVE to handle the issue.

No! I can’t just “get over it”, believe me, that’d be my wish too!

I think about all these things that keep me up when I want to sleep.

I think these things so intensely it makes me want to weep.

What happens if this? What happens if that?

Should I check into it? My mind is battling in its own combat.

I am worried about where my children will go to school. It used to be a locked-up gate didn’t look so nice.

But now in my mind it stands for security. I am scared for them so I do think once about it and then I think twice.

Things that may seem silly consistently cross my mind. My son falling asleep and leaning on the truck door.

I start to worry as I pull over to put the child lock on. I have fears he’ll open it unconsciously and I was never like this before.

I picture things so intensely that it side tracks all my other thoughts.

I don’t think you could handle it if it was my mind you came across.

So, keep being aware that one month a year and putting up flyer for others to see;

But after that time is up and those days are gone, all year long I still have to be me.

So, I’ll fake that smile and I’ll only confide in a few.

Because people don’t understand if it’s not something they’re going through.

Inside I’ll feel sad, mad, anxious, some happiness and fear, even disgust.

Get in my mind you’ll also see an extreme amount of distrust.

Sometimes it’s scary and I think I’m crazy.

I feel alone but I hide it, these voices screaming inside of me.

But keep celebrating the fact you’re now; mentally health wise, “diverse”.

Tell people you’re “Breaking The Stigma” because, well: Guess what? It’s not you who’s living this curse.