In Shadows, I Yearn

In the midst of my tears, I yearn for peace,

I craved to be a mother,

But now I see my mistakes,

They deserve better, yet I am consumed by anger.

Unlovable, they say, when I am raw and real,

Daily, I am shackled by my own fiery torment,

Their cries grate on my nerves,

When I am silent, perhaps they'll notice the void,

My heart is choked by a silent rage.

I miss her presence in my life,

I keep pushing my limits,

My mind yearns for order,

But my whims lead the way,

Searching for satisfaction that stays just out of reach,

Every choice is a battle or a retreat.

In this moment, I reveal my sadness,

The world must see,

I exist, even if shrouded in shadow.

Why do they care for me,

I wonder, doubting,

In my eyes, I am unworthy of love,

Forever a mess, never whole.

I try to fill the gap,

But the effort is tiring,

I cannot keep up the perfect facade,

The dream fades.

I wish I had been patient,

Waited to have children,

Accumulated wealth,

In a blink, the ring shone,

A symbol of a marriage now withered