Illusion Uninitiated

I look into your eyes and watch the sky evaporate right before mine,

I’m losing myself again and falling out of reality,

The look i see in your eyes reminds me I’m lost and alone

The loneliness isn’t so lonely anymore

The torture no longer feels like pain

The pain no longer makes me feel alive

Being dead has shown me i once had life

For that I smile and embrace it

I don’t feel love

I don’t feel wanted

I don’t feel a thing

I don’t feel numb

I’m so detached and realize all good is a cruel joke being played on me,

The second i began to accept the happiness,

That’s when it all begins to crash down

The stage is torn apart

I can only blame myself for being distraught

When i continue to see the lies for what they are,

The destruction stays away

Maybe i want to live in this illusion of truth and happiness until I die

The mental breakdowns

The heartbreaks

The headaches

The illusion protects me from them

Maybe everything is as good as it seems

I’m just paranoid

I just hate myself

I don’t want to believe it but I deserve the bad things

I deserve the suffering

I don’t understand why I don’t deserve it

The tears want to escape from my behind my eyes

They can’t be free

All of me has to suffer

Says my reflection to me

When i see that i’m drowning