I

I:

I tried to smile today

I found it wasn't there

sifting through the rubble

of a vacant stare

I pushed at the corners

of my lips

my expression was bare

a darkness under frown

I bound myself

to feel something more

I watched

a part of me die away

to become more like inside

The numbness taking hold

as my hand grew cold

and could not feel my tears

I slowly shivered

as I took the bind away

and let my reflection play

over and old serrated friend

I pressed it to my skin

on old reminders

of what I am

a brief moment

I was warm

but nothing lasts for long

I took a pill today

like so many pills before

promising so many scores

from sleep to happiness

a bottle for it all

and found I needed more

washed it down with a drink

like before

If I should wake tomorrow

which I likely will

further failing

my only talent sure

My jolly Christmas spirit

left behind in some

long ago holiday lore

something for a child

and nothing more

left behind

many years ago

on a scene of red snow

screaming and silence

caskets and sleeping

running into a winters cold

I sat in the dark today

had a small meal

no voice to be heard

not even my own

my only wish

for this year

like many years passed

is to slumber away

to slip from existence

to return

all the seconds of breath

to let them go

to something worth it

like a squirrel or a bat

I sat alone today

and said it's ok

everything is fine

just another normal day

a remnant

salt on it's wounds

a lump of carbon

in a cluttered room



I felt my soul drown today

though it left me years ago

Some day I'll go

visit an old willow

with boughs

full of snow

and there I will rest

in a place only

thorns and shadows know.

I shall go when I sleep

shall dig deep

to the roots

there I shall rest

forgotten at best

Iwrote something today

left old wounds open

For all to see

Kaloriinn, James. Mason

. . . Edited from original format, to meet standard