I would rather…

Dear Spam…

We were friends growing up until I was old enough to read your label. WHO are you? WHAT are you? I’ll tell you what you are…

You are a salty glob of gelatinous filth. You are the evil wannabe of the delicatessen world. You were better as an afterthought. Pieces and parts that were destined for the dumpster, now find themselves stuffed in a can for unnatural consumption. Your leftover, square meat cakes have infiltrated the lives of many. Polluting their guts and stealing time from precious life expectancy.

You are not the apple of my eye but more like the Pepto to my Bismol. And where is your content warning? Huh!

Millions flock to you every day to praise your discolorized fakeness. If they only knew of the mystery surrounding your existence, they too would be planning revenge.

If you were an acronym, I suppose your name would stand for - Salvageable Parts Are Mandatory. Shame, shame, shame.

My words of wisdom to consumers across the globe comes with an urgent plea. READ THE GOD DAMNED LABLE!!! Thank you.

Your ex-pal

Gonna B. Sick

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Thank you for indulging. Not with the spam though, I forbid it. This letter was written in response to a writing prompt encouraged by Paul Stewart and Donna Renee. Write a poem, letter, story, ect. about a food or beverage you strongly dislike. Let’s keep this going!

Enjoy some other recent dislikes below.