I Was a Dragon

My dreams show me

Faces of people who have

Probably mostly forgotten me

By now.

I've felt this pit

In my stomach for

So long

For things I did

When I was young and

Wild and dangerous…

I know I shouldn't have,

I know it was wrong

Because of rules set up

By a world

Designed to control me.

...

I rebelled,

I acted,

I hurt,

Guilt crept, a prickled cage

Around me.

I was a fluttering bird,

Wings clipped so early

By a fox wrapped

In rabbit’s skins.

...

But I was never the bird

I pretended to be,

I was a dragon,

Strange and twisted.

I didn't fit into their

Paradigm,

(though I tried).

I wish

I'd become free

When I broke that cage,

But the scars remain,

Red and deep.

...

If only I had

Known

Their world was not for me.

I assumed I was wrong

For so long,

How could I love

So much? So hard?

Absurd.

Obviously, I didn't know

What love was.

...

If I couldn't define

Myself by their standards,

I was a monster.

I needed to learn

How to manage my

Emotions, my body,

My heart

Beating out of rhythm,

Too much, too much.

...

I didn't fit,

And so I flew

Out of reach

And now I dig thorns

Out of skin

And I keep picking and pricking

And someday, maybe

I'll find a salve that soothes.

...

Then She looks at me,

Kind eyes sparkling.

She speaks with words wise

And mystic,

Shows me I matter

Just as I am,

Twisted as I am,

Loving as I am,

And something in me

Starts to let go,

And grow…

...

And She looks at me

Softly, though I know

Her heart rages like mine,

With love and pain and grief

Just like mine,

Always always asking why.

...

And they surround me,

And I find a home

In a world

That waits, full of patience

And grace

While I heal

From my many

Sharp-edged

Mistakes.