I've Learned to Watch them Drown

I've learned to watch them drown -

those demons they call illness.

They used to swim freely

shore to shore

leaving steaming tracks

of fire and smoke

between the tiny chain islands

of sanity and perseverance.

Now they falter at the deep end

where the dark waters have been poisoned

by the chemicals I force fed

into my veins.

Sometimes I wonder

how much of this I can take

before I too choke on the fumes

left by the 'cures' to my affliction.

Am I still me, if I can't fight these demons alone?

Am I still me, if I need drugs to make me sane?

After all this time, it's still hard to say,

as my wounds have never properly healed -

only scarred over.

Yet, I would be remiss

if I did not admit

that every demon drowned

is another day of dry land

that I eagerly indulge in.

So, now I stand at the rocky shores

of my battered mind,

alone and war-ravaged,

but whole.

__________

The next poem will be the final piece of RE: SURGENCE.

This is the 20th poem in RE: SURGENCE, a poetry collection by Amanda Starks that shares what it's like to have and fight against mental illness in a free-form, lyrical prose.

Be aware that topics and themes may include suicide, self-harm, and isolation.

Haven't read the collection all the way through? Start here with the first poem!

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