I should be

I should be

right in the middle

throwing my hat in the air (though they told us not to)

watching it spiral and spin; a future ascending up, up, up

'til it collides in mid-air

with another, a twin

so I clasp it tight, and show a face that isn't true.

I should be

with them

all cheering, cups clashing, raised arms and heads bashing

but I stand a step back and observe

the champagne spray; drops that fizz and sparkle and taste like pure energy

but finally fall flat

and sputter and fade away.

I turn and I walk from their chants and their passion.

I should be

inside the door by now

nodding my head knowingly, like I really agree

in a circle of smiles and clapped backs, laughs and inside jokes

yet my frame is still stuck to the footpath

for a while

I wonder if they'll notice, the me that's not there.

I should be

more than this

hollow shell,

This dried husk, this dead sponge with nothing inside

Squeezed out and drained of all passion and pain

is this the mere settling of life in the dusk?

I cast off the cloak and trudge down the street

in search of what's lost, in questioning feet.