i put you

you’ve been away.

i put you away

because i could no longer

live

with your hand around my

throat,

the smell of you

making my breath

catch.

i put you where

i keep my jars

of spiders

and where the dust

settles

and sometimes

i climb the ladder

to visit

and then

i am up all night

staring blankly at the sky.

i was hoping you would

come back to me

but also that you wouldn’t

because my eyes are dry

and my heart is closed.

i shut the door

behind you

when you left.

now you are in my arms

and not in my dreams

and i know you will

need to go.

but for now,

can you hold

me?