I miss him still

I miss him still

Even though he left me waiting,

more times than I can count

on line, became his battle ground

The hurtful words like punches.

He made me the the joke

then acted like it was love.

He said sorry with smirks,

vanished with my secrets

showed up when he needed.

but I still laughed louder with him

than I ever did since

still got that one photo

I won’t delete ever

and the letters and voicemails

I still play when it rains.

He was cruel in quiet ways,

sharp when no one watched

but he knew me Inside out.

knew when I was low

knew how to twist me back into shape

before breaking me again.

I miss him

not the lies

not the games

just the ghost of when it was good

I hate him

but not enough

and that’s the part that hurts the most

loving a narcissist is no joke.