I come of age eight
A loss of innocence poem
Mommy’s hand is clammy sweat.
We depart the sanctuary behind
Daddy, who practically carries
his weeping mother down
the long aisle past
throngs of sad, wrinkled faces
staring at us with sad eyes.
“He was too young.”
Pursed mouths frown at Mommy.
Old grumps wag fingers, moving
the reception line forward, slow
as Sunday communion.
The Lutheran church basement
echoes hushed voices from its
pale walls and glistening steel ovens
and I might cover my ears but
Mommy chose me to stand by her side
because I am eight.
Jan is only five and
Craig is a boy, who
belongs beside his father
at a time like this.
I am eight and understand
the consequences of funerals.
No more summers at Great
Uncle Sanford’s cabin, for one.
Grandma doesn’t wish to go now,
or ever.
Grampa fed chipmunks at that lake.
He lay down on his tummy and
handed that striped cuteness a peanut.
She will be too sad without him.
People in line say,
“He was such a hard worker.”
People in line say,
“He was a good man. He is
with God in heaven.”
I remember the eye of the storm from science class.
People in line wonder,
“How will Olive survive without him?”
I try to listen and wiggle only a little.
I must stand firm, beside Mommy. Gossipy ladies offer
knuckled fingers for her to squeeze.
This is not comfort like I am to Mommy.
Their hands are cold when they
smooth my pageboy.
Their words freeze like icicles dripping
down my back in Spring.
“Take care of that husband of yours,” they say.
“Do not let Walt’s son die of a heart attack,” they say.
“Robert has his father’s constitution,” they agree.
Then I know they are not Daddy’s
friends, who call him “Ob.”
These are quaint aunts with
no relation to me.
Quittances who knew Mommy
as church secretary and are
mean to pay their respects.
I lean into Mommy and stop listening.
There was a hymn sung very
loud in the funeral called,
“On Christ the solid rock I stand,
all other ground is sinking sand.”
Great Uncle Sanford’s beach had sand
and plenty we consecrated
to build castles and forts.
I will even miss the devil waves that
drank these castles up; their tides
arisen by the moon.
Back in the day,
I was sad to see our strictures go.
“We wouldn’t want to attend your
Daddy’s funeral any time soon.
Protect him, Lorraine.”
Circles of ladies surround my mother
with snooty snarls.
They scratch my freckled
cheek with broken, pointy fingernails.
I glare up at them.
They stand tall as scorched
pine trunks by the lake.
“Oh for dumb,” I want to shout.
I would stomp my foot if this
coffee room wasn’t God’s kitchen.
No one needs tell me to protect Daddy.
I will be good for all my life.
I will do my part of the dishes and never
sass Mommy again.
If the moon rises on his sinking sand, I will
stand like a rock against its tide.
I love Daddy with my whole
heart and always will.
He is butter and sugar on lefse.
He is agate-hunting along our dirt road
and softball throws in the backyard.
We would be a sad family
without Daddy’s silly faces
scrunched up to
make us laugh.
“Take care of that fragile father of yours.”
I lean past these ladies to peer at
the man they call fragile.
His face did crumble into
the telephone receiver,
upon news of Grampa’s death.
His black suit hangs from his thin frame.
Mommy had no time to alter it.
He looks like a little boy lost. His
James Dean hairstyle sweeps past the
aristocratic forehead Grandma loves,
highlighting bags beneath those
beloved chocolate brown eyes
generally filled with warmth and welcome.
Mommy always finds him in a crowd, for he
stands taller than most, she says.
I inhale a breath deep from my stomach and
jut out my chin. I am eight years old.
I will guard my Daddy from harm.
I understand the consecution.
About the Creator
Barbara Steinhauser
Thank you for taking time to read my stuff. I love writing almost as much as I love my people. I went back to college and earned an MFA in Writing for Children and Young Adults and often run on that storytelling track. Enjoy!
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