I Am Who I Am

gentle blue skies, and pastel colors dancing somewhere in between the clouds. I count my steps, and avoid the cracks in the sidewalk. Watching blades of grass tear through the rubble so that they can be appreciated after the fight they've had to put up in order to simply grow. I'm listening to shitty indie music, and people are staring at me because I can't stop dancing. And not even good dancing, like straight up no rhythm ass white girl dancing in the isle of the store.

people stare at me all of the time anyway. I should tell myself it's a compliment. maybe they just think I'm pretty. or maybe it's because I'm a weirdo and anyone can tell. I mean, honestly, who dresses like that? plus my bald ass head is more smooth than an egg, but at least I'm happy. I think guys check me out to make me feel small, but it's not that hard to shoot someone a dirty ass look until they avert their attention. I don't try to stand out, I swear. but for some reason I do.

maybe because I have an awkward baby face with a touch of resting bitch face people get confused. no one can ever tell what I'm thinking because honestly I'm not thinking of anything at all. I hate the sun, but today I want it to burn my skin until I'm sweaty. I walked around the block a few times because my adrenaline wouldn't let me sit still. maybe the people here think I'm so American that they can talk about me and I laugh because I speak that language too.

< bitch ass motherfuckers. >

I could respond so that they know, but I like when people think I'm naive. I love to be underestimated because I know I don't have anything to prove. I don't have to talk a big game because I'm mad holy. it's easier to pretend that I'm a dumb girl with a hot body because that's what they want me to be. I think it's fun to pretend until the light goes down. then people get all shook because I'm a lot stronger than they think.

this bitch is a masochist so the pain won't be there for long, and that's what really gets the world angry. people try so hard to break me, but you can't break something like Velcro. it just comes back together. and I'm lucky that I'm so resilient because it's not that hard to laugh after you cry. but I wouldn't have learned how pure a tiny smile was if the world didn't break my tiny heart so many times.

now I'm just a baby potato on my throne. and there's a lot of fucking snacks up here because no one can tell me what my body should look like or whether or not I should wear lipstick today. no one can tell me that my jeans are too short or that I don't need to go out today. and that's how I like to feel. like the world is mine. and like I'm mine too. so, it's okay if I walk into a pole because I've been staring at my phone screen for too long. why? because that meme was dank asf, and I deserve to laugh so hard that the people beside me get uncomfortable.

like. bitch, fuck you. I should make you a meme, but I guess that's rude or whatever. -dramatic eye roll.- so I'll wish you well instead. I should say "sorry that I'm so damn dope that you're jelly" but my fucking Capricorn ass always has to be the bigger person. So I say "have a great day," but only in the most passive aggressive tone because I secretly hope they feel bad for being mean, but who gives a fuck anyway?

I'll just change the song.