I Am Me. (Without You)

Sometimes I feel like I could sleep forever and never wake up.

I could bury myself in the ground and stay for eternity.

I’d spread pretty flowers over my grave where they’d always grow.

Maybe then they would tell me that things wouldn’t always be this bad.

My soul feels heavy, weighed down by chains that only exist in my mind.

I know that the sun will rise and fall, rise and fall in the sky and I’ll finally feel at home.

My eyes are open to the world but it’s as if I don’t see it the way that I should.

I hear everything that goes on around me, but I don’t listen to the voices.

I feel nothing but numbness, a feeling which started in my fingertips and continues to grow.

Grows until I am paralyzed deep inside by the fear that I will never be the same again.

Will it ever end, this need to hide myself away from the sun?

It’s like I’m scared to get burned, but I continue to feed the flames until there’s nowhere left to run.

I can still feel your hands pressed against my skin, I wish I’d never let you leave your mark at all.

Maybe then it wouldn’t hurt this bad again, like the sting of a thousand bees.

My skin feels three sizes too small for my body, stretched tight over bones.

Bones that feel broken, snapped under the weight I can’t help but carry around.

It’s an impossible weight to carry on one girl’s shoulders alone, please try to understand.

Take your hold off of me, for I fear I might fall and never get back up again.

Allow me to open my eyes, no more wondering what should have been before the chaos set in.

I want to wake up in the morning and know that the sun will always outshine the darkness in your eyes.

I see pretty flowers grow outside my window and remember that when things get bad, that things can’t always stay that way.

One day I’ll let go of you, and you’ll be only a very distant memory.

You’ll no longer have a grasp on me and my reality, I’m much too strong for you now.

The rain has cleared and I know that there is so much beauty in this world left for me to see.

My eyes and ears are open, and I choose to let it in.

The only fire that exists is the fire that stays lit inside of me, one that guides me home.

I know deep inside I am fireproof and it’s time that I save myself this time.

I’ll save myself from the emptiness I felt inside.

I’ll look inside myself and find that the darkness I believed was holding me back was always a light begging to be let free.

Someone once told me to never be afraid; to be bold and to never give up fighting.

I see myself as many things, but two of the most important of things that I am are a dreamer and a fighter.

I know in my dreams, that I am my own guide, my own light.

If I’m the sun, I’m going to fight these clouds to shine.

I’m going to find my way home every time I find myself lost.

I may find myself lost in yet another daydream, but I will never forget where I belong.

I will never let myself grow cold while I search.

Maybe I will have to fight my way through a little rain, but I know when the storm passes, that everything will be worth it.

When everything clears, I know that I will see that everything is as it’s supposed to be.