I Am Lonely

maybe I am lonely there's this feeling

that keeps up on me one that I can see

the filling the grabs onto my

heartstrings and tells me that I'm

lonely I don't want to believe it I have

family and a few friends I can laugh and

cry with so then why do I feel this way

I'll admit most times I'm not okay I suffer

with my depression and self hatred

towards myself so I'll push people away

and isolate myself to not bother them

it's something I have done for a long time

and I'll talk until I feel fine but that

doesn't erase how alone I feel and I try

to figure out why I hesitate to call or

send a message because I feel like I'm

annoying it's so hard to suppress that

urge when I really do want some company

I'd rather disappear and go silent than

feel like I'm bothering someone it's

even worse when the same energy isn't

given and I'm left wondering what I did

wrong or if I'm just boring none of this

helps the loneliness I feel inside in

fact it just makes me want to hide and

feed that sadness that is constantly in

my chest and on my mind I sigh whenever

I see a group of friends having the time

of their lives or a couple holding hands

and happily sterling about loneliness

brings along jealousy and I'd rather

stick to myself than become attached to

people not wanting to become clingy and

dependent on others for a piece of

happiness so what am I to do with this

lonely feeling and I can't even find a

way to console it maybe I don't belong

maybe I'm afraid of being forgotten or

replaced what if I vanished without a

trace would anyone notice or care it's a

bit a gang feeling like I can't fully

open up and share the thoughts that pop

up in my mind because I fear I'll be

labeled crazy annoying toxic and pushed

off to the side tears are my companions

when I break down and cry can't I just

be me and not feel the need to change

who I am in order to feel accepted can't

I just be carefree where people can see

that there are many parts that make up

the masterpiece called me maybe I am lonely

in this world that tells you commands

you to look and feel a certain way maybe

I am only among the strangers and the

familiar faces because they can't find

the right words to say in the end I

guess some reassurance and some effort

would make my day and maybe I'll feel

less lonely when I come to terms that

not everyone I want to have in my life

will go the same way and stay.