I am Bad at Love

Can't connect to anyone, no matter how I try
Romance's dance tricks my feet
Into believing my steps are in sync
Box Step
Plie`
Jazz Walk
Ideal fluid body movements
Continuous weight transfer
I can't oblige
Steppin it up
Piroutte
Shimmy
Grand Jete
Sharp precision, excellent balance, high speed
Activity level my mind prefers
But an inner voice says slow down
No partner can keep up with me
I replace each one
Before the song plays out
Truth
My beat deafness puts others out of time
Poor choices, poor decisions
I make many
I am bad at love

A choreographer, I am not, yet I claim "dancemaker"
Wrongful self-named
Puts pep in my step
Grants me center stage
But a solo performance never satisfies
I need someone else to dance with me
So I can take the lead
Traditional gentleman's role—
NO
Any he shall follow me
I run the show
Any audience knows
Synchronization, interbrain coupling—
Two partners mirroring each other
Moving together in time
Performance lacks
Meets curtain's close
No applause
I always end up looking foolish
Alone
Making the same poor choices, decisions
Damn, I make many
I am bad at love

5, 6, 7, 8—I am ametric, leaping to the final beats
Skipping the previous measure
1, 2, 3, 4—Beginning of movement
Downbeat focus
Strong foundational gestures
Slow-motion
A run-through
Learning others' rhythms
Dance director blocker
I call the shots
Mechanics: marking, mastering steps
Not my thing
I set boundaries
Building energy prematurely
Before the next "1"
Jumping full speed ahead of the music
Not making the cut
"Taking another direction"

Insult to injury; dancer trips over own feet
I spend so much time auditioning others
Forgetting to screen myself
A motion artist I am not
Just a soloist
Running another skit
Moonwalking
When I should be gliding—
Chasse`
Graceful moves; I have not
Respect for partners: none
Because I don't even value my own worth
Offbeat
I need to master rhythm and groove privately
Before seeking a companion
Bad choices
Bad decisions
Music I dance to
Because I am bad at love

This poem explores Carl Jung's Persona archetype and was written this morning after waking up from a curious dream. 5, 6, 7, 8 were the numbers on my mind when I opened my eyes, the lasting imprints from early-hour sleep. Immediately, my mind went to dancing, the song Bad at Love by Halsey, then a poem began creating itself in my mindspace. I sat. I wrote. I submitted it to the draft copy of my forthcoming book, Archetype of the Unlived.

Often my poetry is born of dreams mixed with a sudden flash—maybe a personal memory, or some irrelevant relevance, living in a split moment.

It's been a while, Vocal family, but I've been busy promoting my book Shadow's Reprieve, which has inspired a Substack poetry podcast and my YouTube channel, which went live a day ago.

Curious how my poetry sounds read aloud? Check out Longing Landline (originally published here on Vocal), the poem that kicked off my Jungian lyrics and my independently published poet journey. Longing Landline will be featured in Archetype of the Unlived, slated for release in December of this year.

Many thanks to all who stop by and read! I am loving this updated editor.

I will continue to pop back in and might even partake in one of the challenges currently going on.

Original version published on Medium

Take care, everyone!

Can't leave without shouting out Halsey's song and partial inspiration for my lyrics!