I Accept

Lately I've been sleeping better not so much worry on my mind. Your hair texture, eye color, birth weight..They would have been perfect and my mind can rest easy. There's still a void no doubt, but doubt no longer magnifies the size of the void.

Would I have been as good to you as you were to my heart? Hopefully you know the answer just as well as I. Hopefully you know that I idolized the life I built for us in the pages of my mind. I doubted myself, for fear of letting you down,now I understand this was never an option.

Would the love I gave mold and cultivate you into the best version of the ancestors, the struggle, the father you needed? Would you follow your dreams or be stifled by my expectations. Now I understand this was never an option.

Would I push you away, teach the wrong lessons, yell at the wrong friends, forget to remind you to use your turn signals...Now I understand this was never an option. Heck, if you got your dads sense of humor then we both know I was going to forget to tell you about the turn signals lol

While doubt has subsided your memory, the beautiful pain it causes, reminds be that you were the only option, my only option.

I miss what we could've been, the kingdom I was building, the legacy I was leaving. Though I can't directly give it to you, you'll be the reason your siblings will experience it.

Huff, I'm not letting you, my heart could never. I'm not forgetting you my brain wont let me. I'm accepting that God is keeping you safe until we meet again.

I wouldn't have failed you, I won't fail your siblings. THIS WAS NEVER AN OPTION

I Accept