I...

I...

...

I

I want to do better

I want to be better

I

I need to do better

I need to be better

But

Better feels hard though

Like walking

Walking through the dirt, the mire, the quicksand sludge

Fighting against demons, but not those powerful mythical beasts

The demons within

Clawing at me from the inside

Replaying and reminding me

of past mistakes and past missteps

Like an insurmountable mountainous task

Or an insurmountable mountain

Without a sherpa to help you reach the summit

Like...

....

Like working against the tidal waves as they hit you

Like...

...

Like walking through torrential rain and the strongest winds

Like...

...

Like going against the grain when your mind, body and soul want you to give in

Feeling every inch of your body trying to drag you into that dark place

Feeling every fibre of my being pulling me down

Pushing back is never easy

Especially when you are so used to making those mistakes

It becomes your reality

And better

Better...

...

Better is just a pipe dream

But

I...

...

I won't...

I won't give up

I won't give in

I can't give up

I can't give in

As

Harder worries me

But doesn't derail me

Harder stresses me

But doesn't detract me

Harder floors me

But doesn't immobilise me

Harder doesn't give up

But

Neither do I

*

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