How Lucky Was I?

Sometimes I think back to the questions,

the curious, smug smiles

that stole my childhood innocence

and reflect on how my world has changed.

——

"Are you gay" – seems so easy to answer now.

But how could a child know the true meaning of that word

when his classmates, his friends

used it as an insult, a way to spread hate,

if not between peers, then unknowingly through his body,

devastating every cell and growing bigger

until hurt was all he could feel.

——

How lucky was I to be able to run off

for four long years, free to find myself

dancing like a fool with drag performers,

hopelessly romanticizing a future of epic love stories

and learning about the lives of people just like me.

——

How lucky was I to find acceptance

from the friends and family closest to me

who seemed to know exactly what to say

as I stood in front of the world, shaking.

——

How lucky am I to not be another name in an article

written to tell the story about a boy's heart

which succumbed to the relentless pain others inflicted –

——

Sometimes I think back to the questions that terrified me to my core,

and the assumptions that hurt deeper than any cut,

and I wonder if the world will ever change enough.

———

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