Home

Home is my temple

My body

The one everyone seemed to help themselves to over the years

My home was tarnished, and my soul lost for what felt like an eternity

I learned to dance with my demons and fall in love with their stories

You see, my home was hidden beneath the confines of my own mind

My trauma

My attachments to anything and everything external

I thought I could find home in you, or you, or her, or maybe him.

It was never enough

Through the muck and the mire,

I found the mud where my lotus hid

Ready to emerge from its desolate space

Ready to bloom right where it was planted

Home

Even in the darkest of times

Even when I was so ugly I couldn’t stand myself

There was nowhere to run you because you see,

My home had always been right beneath the surface of all the things I never wanted to become

Home was hiding behind the manifestations of all that had ever happened to me, to my body, to my home.

I had to look, and once I downed the painful truths I remembered what home tasted like.

I remembered a time from before.

The key was to give myself everything I never got

Everything my mother and father never got

Home taught me that it doesn’t matter what the cover of your book looks like or if the spine is bent and the pages are falling out --- you love it anyway.

For in the truth you find the calm, you find compassion, you find unconditional love.

In your truth you become one with the divine universal wisdom of all that is you,

And in my truth I fell in love with my home, with my body.

My temple is for me and for me only,

Which is why it felt so hard to find while being wrapped up in so many others experiences

For in searching for my home I kept finding fractals of me in you, in them, in us, in we

Confusion and contradictions twisted me up so tight I couldn’t even open up to myself

My light outstretched beyond space and time searching, seeking, longing for my home, for my love, for my light…

Where are you?

From the ashes of all that I had to ignite I realized my home simply needed to be redecorated

And albeit I was riddled with so much armor and so many half truths others tried to force feed me that even I tried to throw in my own towel, twice.

Yet my trauma and my blueprint saved my soul,

For the love I found in all of you helped me stay when I felt like I was no where to be found and like I had nothing left inside to be loved.

It was my reason to live at times

For if pieces of me were in pieces of you then the opposite could also be true

And I vowed to never pass this pain on again.

The cycle ends with me.

The journey back to my soul didn’t leave me unscathed --- it broke everything that was blocking me from myself, from my God, from my light, from my truth.

It was worth it a quadrillion times over.

And I learned to alchemize every bad experience, every heavy emotion, every trauma,

And every terrible thing I’ve ever done and made it my mission to help everyone I could along the way.

If the hand I was dealt was that people could do as they please with my body; then I would do the same and become my own master

Nothing against me shall triumph for I am the guardian of my galaxy, the trinity within me, and I am free to breakdown to breakthrough as many times as I see fit.

My home is my temple

My temple is my body is my subconscious and only I know where the keys to my labyrinth are

I will re-break every bone if I have to because this is my home and nothing and no one can keep me from saving myself.

I am now fully connected, I am a sovereign vessel,

I am divinely created, I am universally loved

And I am home.