Home

She wants to go home,

but she is home.

She stares at the stars waiting for an explanation,

begging for the moon to give her a reason

why her life is a tragedy.

But the moon has no answers.

The answers lie beneath,

beneath all the propaganda

and brainwashing,

she can't see the answers.

No,

she's been blinded by all their deceiving lies.

She believes these lies,

they're all she is offered.

Ignoring the painful truth,

living in a fantasy.

What did she do to deserve this pain?

She doesn't believe that she deserves anything.

She doesn't believe she deserves love and nourishment.

She doesn't deserve to enjoy every day

and make it her own.

She doesn't deserve clothing,

or food.

Those are gifts,

not priorities.

Every time food is willingly presented to her,

she doesn't want to eat it.

She's scared that the food will disappear,

that she'll get too attached and it'll run off.

Like pets often do.

She tries to comfort herself

saying everything will be alright,

that her pet will come back,

but it's been days,

weeks,

months.

She's put up signs asking for help

but no one seems to care.

She tells them the stories about what really happens behind the curtains,

but they all think that she's lying.

Her house looks top notch,

her family acts normal,

people beg to be her,

but it's all a lie.

Everything is a lie.

She doesn't trust the people she sees on the streets,

the mothers and fathers all abuse their children,

CPS is only out to get you,

police think you're just an angry teen,

counselors manipulate you to make you feel better.

But the only thing that makes her feel better

is coffee, sex, and cigarettes.

Coffee and cigarettes will eventually kill her,

sex is the only thing people want from her,

she's just a toy they can use for their own satisfaction.

If they seem into you,

they're leading you on,

eventually they'll leave you for somebody else.

Eventually everything leaves.

Eventually every last pleading argument to stay alive is gone.

The nutrients that she used to replenish her garden of hope

have now lost its resources.

The roses that were once loved by all

begin to wither away.

Her sisters watch on the side making her an outcast,

blaming her for events that were out of her control,

but she believes she caused this destruction.

She believes she's the reason for all destruction.

This is the reason she self-destructs,

sending herself down a spiral of regret,

chain smoking cigarettes

in hopes that one day she'll forget,

she'll restart her life and make it all new,

because that's just the cycle that fucked up kids do.

We try to forget the past,

we make it less real,

it's all just a dream,

a joke,

nothing matters,

nobody cares,

everybody leaves,

parents are a lie,

I take care of me.

Because in the end,

I have;

me.