Holding On

I have a headache. It's a big old stress headache. I'm backed up and in a tangled mess of emotions, dark thoughts, and exasperation. I am a mother. And I am a grandmother. And to be fair, I just want to escape.

But anyone who knows anything about life, knows that's not gonna happen. That's not what mothers and grandmothers do. Not this one, at least. So, I take a deep breath. Sigh. Now, I've centered myself again.

"This too will pass," I tell myself for added comfort.

Problems. Problems we create ourselves by bad choices. Cycles. Cycles of insanity. Madness. Blending in madness and calling it method. Lies we tell ourselves.

I want to correct the writing outside of the lines so badly. To be a map that points, "go this way and not that!" But genetic propensity and clogged ears don't listen. Stupid, stubborn little lambs.

I was the blueprint in this mess, afterall. Guilt and shame cover me. Please recover from my "crazy." Don't follow. I have come from a long, unbroken line of crazy. Not unscathed, but wiser now.

Be better, I plead. I hurt when you hurt. Stop hurting yourselves. Break free, little birds and fly high above. Look down and see the earth framed in a different way. It makes sense from up there. Come see...please.

Hope. I hold on to you. So tight. And now, together, you and I can go on and my headache eases because I am above my own dark cloud of impatience and fear.