Hidden Thoughts

I miss the good old days, my good old ways of turning a simple situation into a burst of waves. Misunderstandings went from my fault to your fault, to who started this in the first place.

How did I get here, at what point will I be strong enough to ignore the extreme need to be needed. By who, I have no idea but I know people often say one should be comfortable in ones own skin and enjoy your own company as happiness comes from within. Right...

Well, there is that feeling deep within me that continues to tremble as without you I am nothing. Or so it seems... I sense lost thoughts and emotions due to your lack of presence, though the sweet presents you bare upon your return makes me all giddy inside, again forgetting the lost time.

I miss the good old days, my good old ways of turning a smile upside down and inside out. That cute laugh that at times was drowned out, simply because you tried to stifle my energy—I was only trying to be for you what I needed to be for me. I pranced around in what I now know was ignorance, trying to be cute in what felt like the perfect night attire.

I guess I am here because I walked along that crooked path, skipped along hope road, with every intention of doing good. Though I was being true to everyone but myself.

I guess this is where re-evaluation of what has happened, what is to come and what will never be—will cradle my hopes, aspirations and forge faith to infuse fake dreams.

I miss the good old days, my good old ways of looking inside everyone but myself to help shape myself. That big dream of living comfortable within my own skin, surrounded by my perception of loving friends and family and not wanting happiness to be something I gain through wealth.

The good old days and my good old ways, for the most part still remains apart of me. Even on a day like today, I will never forget the many times I wanted to just give up, for so many reasons, but never did. This was mainly down to a few special individuals, whom I no longer have the pleasure of sharing precious moments with.

It is also hard to forget 'friends' who were accused of being just that, but never wholeheartedly wanted to be. Their hot heads, cold hands and feet could not handle or understand what being my friend was all about. I am not mad, sad or bitter—actually, I wish every one of them well. I pray their new chapters in life enable them to meet the many hopes, dreams, goals and aspirations I had the pleasure of learning about, supporting and clasped hands knees grazed genuinely prayed for.

Time to continue navigating through life, trying to fight with becoming unstuck. Progressing through moments of hardship, lack of knowledge, battles with myself—as I try to find out who ‘myself’ really is. I am still learning what my future will hold, moulding my hands and tiny feet, steering this ship—praying it won't sink...

(01:57 - 26/09/2013) Time may pass us by but without real growth some things remain unchanged.