Hi, I Won't Be In Today

I woke up this morning with the sun in my eyes

and the dog nudging me to get up

Turned on the TV, in passing, for noise

opened the refrigerator looking for grub

The sound of the paper thumped against the front door

and the teapot soon started to whistle

The front page suggesting an impending war

and the hair on my neck commenced, bristle

The phone rang and there was a knock on the door

it was spam and some jehovah's witness

I grabbed my no trespassing sign from the drawer

and told the caller to mind his own business

I let the dog in the house and tossed him a bone

jumped into the shower hoping for a restart

Soap got in my eyes as I reached for my phone

some religious group trying to convert

I said, please don't call me, I'm on the do not call list

they're reply sent me over the top

Your need for salvation means that list is dismissed

a few choice words and they promised they'd stop

Now my coffee is cold and both eyes are swollen

from the soap and timed call of salvation

I've got a migrane and irritable colon

so I decided, without hesitation

To climb back into bed and take a mental health day

I believe that this meets its criteria

If it's not too hypocritical I think I might pray

that they quarantine me and this entire area