Her Name is Sabine*
Mode Change in Me
From: “News from Paradise”
*
refrigerator buzzing through noise
of all busy holiday time
sweets served simultaneously
with the conversations intertwined slowly
with another version of life
on the other side of the line
echoes of the past appearing in the present
when there is no time for it now
disruption on the way
it can’t help us
coming back like a boomerang
to the place where we started
even if it feels like a million miles away
when I leap back in time
through all the things I can find
that shaped me today
slowly fading away
in the darkness of the trained state
never frank, always fretful
never calm, only combating
this little enemy inside of me
revealing its unpopular views on things
causing me to distance myself
from the other side of the world
not exactly on my way
still dealing with it with dignity
as if it were all mine
shame that it was someone else’s dream
***
*I named my poem after the 2007 documentary by French actress, film director, and screenwriter Sandrine Bonnaire, in which she portrays her autistic sister Sabine. Sandrine was one of the muses of Agnès Varda (30 May 1928 – 29 March 2019), one of the most influential directors of the French New Wave film movement of the 1950s and 1960s. I have a chance to encounter Agnès’ work for the first time during one of the New Horizons Film Festivals in Poland and since then her movies and documentaries have stuck to me. The image I used to illustrate my poem is very autobiographical because as a teenager I had a similar pink swimsuit and although I hated it, now that I look back, it somehow fits in with the also disabled Sabine who wears the same costume in this movie as well.
***
originally published at https://medium.com
***
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Mescaline Brisset
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