Heartbreaker

Somebody told me once when I was young,

that I was going to grow up to be a heartbreaker

As if a three year old could understand hearts can be broken,

That my eyes were more than things on my face that allowed me to see

And that he thought they were beautiful

He spoke manically

allthewordsrunningtogether

Sweet smell of rum oozing off his skin

Drops of sweat falling onto my Sesame Street nightgown

Bright flash of the camera bringing stars into my vision

and

fade

to

black

Nobody told me I’d spend my life chasing that black moment of non-existence

How I’d come to hate my eyes so much they would be obscured behind colored contacts

Or how a passing glance in a mirror would stab me in the chest

Because I saw him staring back

How the smell of rum would make me violently sick but whiskey would make promises of salvation

That the only heart I’d ever truly, ruthlessly break

Would be my own