Hat!

~ Hat ~

I remember lying there

feeling like death,

as so many of us do

wanting to escape my body,

I remember turning my head

and staring at the white wall

my eyes burning through it

with intensity, trying to get away

I couldn't stand to look at him

the expression on his face

and the message in his eyes,

trying to escape

from the feeling of him

`INSIDE' ME,

All my mind could see was you

sitting alone in a half-lit room

where I left you,

the night I wanted to...

climb on the couch

squeeze in behind you

wear you like a shield,

knowing then, nothing could

happen to me;

Protection I thought I was so close

to landing but in the end

protection I'd never be understanding,

For it was right

just then in what felt like

the blink of an eye,

There I was, in a room

I was unable to escape

Face to Face

with "his" stranger

consumed by his rage

and jealousy over you,

I was dumb enough to hope

that you might have known

I was in trouble,

There was nothing I could do

as soon as he touched me

What I hoped to know was gone,

by then we had traveled to far

and I could no longer turn

to your embrace,

and you could no longer be

the knight of my dreams

or a witness, in the story

to my life's plight

in all the rest of the days

I spent in silence

a part of you and your family's life!

(Jennifer Culleton Park)

I new not to fight

that only makes things worse,

they don't stop until there done

the light in my life dwindled

my mind and heart fell sick,

and I worsened in my

disassociative disorder,

I walked around "BLUE"

`Nummer'

adding this to what

I had already been through,

I believed in your fairytale

Love is blind

I was kind,

I loved the family

that I was surrounded in,

and why needles became my best friend,

I know better now

when I think about

what I could have been saved from

living through,

If you had been there when I returned,

when part of me remembers

wanting to tell,

but

would you have believed me

the night I meant to be right back

the night I left the hat?

It has taken me many years

to learn how to fight

to get well,

and I know that even today

my journey is far from over,

as I confess

and contest,

to the history

of

Family Incest!