Grief Unbearable

Forsaken, I stand naked and alone

A singular point on the number line

Ill winds from aft force me whither unknown

Subtraction will kill with a minus sign.

.

Searching for feelings true and grandiose

Grieving for the life that was there before

I furl fetal, shrunk, and ouroboros

And await my fate from love’s carnivore.

..

I faltered, my failed opportunity

Creating a void that demands from me

To give myself in perpetuity

But that the vacuum collapsed completely.

.

She is gone, but a vector needs two points

Unable to sense anyone at all

I pray fiercely for the One who anoints

Those in love, but I feel His withdrawal.

.

I feel no one’s presence now, no love, no God

No faith, no purpose, not even my soul

I fall to the ground where no one dares trod

For fear of waxing unwell and unwhole.

.

The emptiest place filled with all bad things

My hollowness did beget the ill wind

’Gainst gossamer webs of minds' misfirings

That blow my loose atoms, my smithereens.

.

I feel now the pain of the paradox

Of knowing the sting of oblivion

Feeling myself rot and consumed by pox

To become thoughtless misteps’ carrion.

.

My grief is without substance and unblessed

And ungrounded, ballast lost and now missed

The animal that feeds on the soulless

Will have no trouble dragging me from this.

.

Now I can hear a most terrible sound

The noise that can thwart even an ill wind

I fear for the sound as it comes around

Where rage, rejection, hopelessness begin.

.

It deafens me with the sound of collapse

Of my worth and value and self-esteem

Where once love was, my grief cannot adapt

When hearing how loud God Himself can scream.