Gophers in the Backyard

Your wife is reminded of Caddyshack

As you sit on your chair out back

A paint gun across your lap, binoculars in your face

You tried to burn them out without a trace

Still, their heads pop up through the yard

She watches you, waiting for you to play your next card

As she giggles with friends about the mess you’re in

“Those rodents always seem to win

I don’t know what he’ll do next...”

They reply “Let’s take bets!”

The war in the backyard becomes a pool

One with a single rule

The rodents must die

The ladies sit around the fire, laughing and drinking,

Passing the time, and thinking

About the methods you will employ

As your yard is drained of joy

The background of constant, mocking laughter

The torment of replacing just after

The reminders that failure lurks

Because these rodents are unkillable jerks

Eat away more than the lawn