Go Back and Change

Go Back and Change

(late November 08)

All I wanna do is go back and find you,

Tell you some things that would change our life.

It would change everything for the better,

It would quicken our stride and lessen our strife.

But going back is like fighting rip tide.

There was that time, when we were young,

When something happened that wasn’t so fun.

There was lots of blood, and many stitches.

Though, since we lived I guess that can stay.

I don’t exactly remember why,

But there were other memories I wanted to let fly.

Well, I do know, now, but I don’t want to tell.

For fear of dragging myself down and into a hole

Without a shovel or hand and footholds.

I can’t hold on, the dirt and pebbles shift.

I’m in a different hole now, almost as if,

As if it was meant to be. I don’t like it.

I hate it. Too many problems and no solutions.

But now that I think about it, there is one,

Though it’s deadly and impossible.

This hole is bottomless, no outlet.

I start to recall, and wish I could go back,

Go back in time and change all this.

I don’t want to die this way.

But if I have to I will.

Falling forever is such a comforting thought,

But not in the dark, and not like this.

All those times I said, “Just one more.”

“I can make it through.”

“I can bear it.”

Well now I can’t, or actually,

Actually I won’t. I run my life and

Though I can’t change the past, I can change the future.

It’s a hard thing to do, and is really easy.

I want to but the threshold to change is

The same as before. They won’t let me leave,

They just want to control and drive me crazy.

For doing this, I might already be.

Who knows? Not me, I don’t.

So I’ll go anyway and live with it.

I know it’s my choice though it’s the only way out.

If I could, I’d go back and change it all.