Glass Shards
I express the feeling of betrayal trauma through poetry and list ideas and resources for addict supporters.
When I was 10 years old, I stepped on a broken beer bottle at a local reservoir. I bled from the semi-circle wound in my foot. My mom took me to the clinic where the doctor put in stitches. Someone’s addiction to alcohol (and littering) caused my injury. But there was also a way to heal that injury.
One bottle smashed to the ground
Two bottles smashed to the ground
One step into the street
Two steps into the street
One shard into my foot
Two shards into my feet
One bottle crushed in the puddle
Two bottles crushed in the puddle
One jump into the water
Two jumps into the water
One fragment in my calf
Two fragments in my calves
One truth smashed to the ground
Two truths smashed to the ground
One step down to hell
Two steps down to hell
One soul shred in two
Two souls shred in two
One lie crushed beneath our feet
Two lies crushed beneath our feet
One rung up the ladder
Two rungs up the ladder
One stitch in the wound
Two stitches in the wound
For a summer, I worked as a case manager at a day treatment center where several of the clients dealt with multiple addictions. I was too young to recognize all that I really could have done, but I have learned much more about addiction and recovery since then.
Personally, I dealt off-and-on with binge eating disorder for ten years. I slowly overcame binge eating through stress reduction, therapy, and ultimately, a healthy eating class at my local hospital. Overcoming the eating disorder took me several years.
Most of us know someone who deals with an addiction or compulsion. We may deal with an addiction or compulsion ourselves. Having a friend or relative with an addiction or compulsion, you know it's hard to be supportive. It is a balance between support and not enabling them in their bad habits.
The journey is very personal and not something we can always openly talk about. Sometimes, we suffer in private. Many spouses, children, or other addict supporters may suffer from betrayal trauma "when [their] trust is violated by a person or system that they rely on for survival" (Psychology Today). With this type of relationship trauma, support persons may suffer from subtle or sometimes outright abuse. From my observations, the abuse is usually unintentional, yet it still causes harm.
There are resources for those who are the support system of addicts. First, we need to take that support for ourselves. Second, we need to engage in regular self-care. If we haven’t taken care of ourselves, we have nothing to give to anyone else. Third, we need to also recognize that we cannot change the addict. Only the addict can change themselves.
Finally, know that an addict can change with professional help, behavioral therapy, and support groups. I've also seen that spiritual support can aid in recovery too.
Remember recovery is possible for the supporters and the addicts.
Spouse and Family Support:
PalGroup (for parents)
Betrayal Trauma Recovery (for spouse of sex "addict")
Sexual Compulsion Help:
Utah Coalition Against Pornography
The Betrayed, The Addicted, The Expert podcasts
Addiction Recovery:
US National Helpline Substance Abuse 1–800–662-HELP (4357)
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