For W

Scintillating, sparking,

That’s how eyes are supposed to be described

Right?

But not yours.

Yours are

...

Alive

And you hands

I wouldn’t call them soft, gentle

They’re

Expressive

They never stop moving

Flying across a keyboard

Adjusting their grip on a steering wheel

Sliding through my hair

Sliding through my hair

Down my back, across my thighs

Over my..... stop

I’m trying to think

There’s this thing about you

A.... blueness

Like even when you’re happy

A part of you is sad

I want to fix that

I want to take you in my hands

And hold you close

And squeeze you

squeeze you until all your pieces

Click

Back together

And you’re not blue anymore

But here’s the problem

You and your

Laid-Back smile

Comfortable... presence

You killed me

Or at least

The world I lived in

Everything I thought was solid

You came through and trashed it

Everything has its place

I acted out a role to everyone

But I can’t with you

No,

that’s not how this goes

That’s to simple

To pretty

It’s more like....

Like you were.... were

Hellfire

And holy water

Wrapped into one

And you fucked up my head

Trashed my thoughts

My life

Like a cheap hotel room

I said it before,

Everyone,

Everything

Had its place

I would play

Different roles

Depending upon

What people wanted

But I took a chance

Showed, exposed

My real self

To you (only to you)

And now....... everything is changing

I’m showing my true self to

Everyone

And no one knows how to take me

And I spend my time

Wondering

Conflicted

(Scared shitless)

Not because

I don’t trust you though

But because

You’re a weakness

A vulnerability

Every time

I open up to you

It’s more ammo to hurt me

It’s because people

Take your fondness

Your love for them

And use it

They turn it

against you

And manipulate you

And use you

Until you’re left

Feeling worthless

Alone

Abandoned

And you pick yourself up

And you keep loving them

Keep living with them

Keep caring for them

But it hurts

Like a father who

Uses his daughter

And her naivety, her love

To steal

Like a woman who

Needs a person to entertain her

And makes a girl fall in love with her

Only to leave her wonder what she did

wrong

What did I do wrong?

Why....

fuck.

And why did I find you?

Why do you have this power?

You know,

I cried in your arms Sunday morning

I don’t think you noticed

I’m glad

I cried

Not cause I knew

you were leaving

No, because you’d already left

I was with your body

But the parts I want

Weren’t there anymore

You were just a shell

I miss you

Your yellow eyes

Your Scintillating wit

Your expressive voice

Your blueness

Your fake laid back laugh

Your comfortable hands,

Your presence

You

I just miss you

...

I cry a lot

You’ll never read this so can say that

And sometimes it feels like you’re so far away

And I don’t mind being the strong one

But sometimes

I just need held too

Need someone to listen

To ask if I’m okay

You’re my weakness

My muse

My torture

My heaven

The holy water on my inner demons

The hellfire on my shoulder angel

And I despise weakness

But I can’t despise you

I can’t

Why is that my dear?

Why is that.....