Fontasia

Arial, darling, so utterly basic, the vanilla ice cream of fonts, so classic.

Bodoni, you drama queen, strutting on Vogue as if you're the scene.

Comic Sans, you try hard, in professional letters, you’re bizarrely starred.

Dingbats, what's your deal? In serious texts, you're the third wheel.

Eurostile, pretending you're in space, but stuck on Earth, what a disgrace.

Freestyle Script, you're not fooling anyone, we all know you're just cursive that's having fun.

Gothic, ancient, and all aloof, in modern days, you're just uncouth.

Harrington, you vintage soul, in hipster cafes, you know your role.

ITC Avant Garde, so geometrically set, in fashion ads, you're the safest bet.

Jasmine, flowing with ease, but in serious docs, could you not, please?

Kristen, oh so childishly sweet, in grown-up work, you face an embarrassing defeat.

Lato, the everyman's choice, so ubiquitous, you might as well lose your voice.

Mistral, you try to be breezy, but end up looking rather cheesy.

Neue Helvetica, you're just Helvetica's shadow, in branding wars, you're rather pretty shallow.

Old English, pretending you're a knight, in modern texts, you're just a blight.

Papyrus, you want to be exotic, but you end up in yoga studios, as the basic bitch for the neurotic.

Quicksand, soft and subtle, in heavy texts, you're in a muddle.

Raleway, so thin and fine, but in print, you barely shine.

Segoe UI, you're just a tool, in creative works, you're not that cool.

Times New Roman, oh so grand, but in every middle school essay, the words are so bland.

Uncial, with your ancient script, in modern days, you're somewhat skipped.

Victorian, laced and adorned, in today's ads, you're just scorned.

Windsor, you royal pain, in contemporary design, you're utterly vain.

Xerox Serif, so functionally dead, in design talks, you're barely said.

Youthquake, trying to be hip, in serious fonts, you just slip.

Zapf Chancery, with your elegant twist, in a world of sans, you're hardly missed.