First Love

First

You were the first

my secrets were safe

my heart smiled when you did

our best conversations continued until the darkest hours of night

you promised the kind of friendship I thought only existed in movies

Two quiet souls coming together is deafening

so I didn’t mind not hanging out

until I could feel the end coming

I was leaving

I never hated the idea of college more

wanted to make sure we would be okay if I left

It was an innocent question

“Want to hangout this weekend?”

I know you knew why

you didn’t answer for three days

even then it was to say

“Sorry I got scared.”

I cried on my floor

then I was numb

still sorry I scared you

I wrote you a letter

every good memory

everything that made you the one

bleeding ink onto the page

You called me your best friend when you wrote back

writing it all down cursed us

We spoke again

three years

you had found the one

We talked like nothing had changed

it killed me

You were the first friend I lost because my heart couldn’t take not being in love

no one talks about friendships that fade

those scars don’t heal