“Family”

I sit here with a blank mind unsure of what to write.

I told you my mind was affright!

And you still stabbed my heart with a knife.

But hey, THATS LIFE! Right?

Sorry, I refuse to believe you.

I got no response from the letter I wrote, so in the trash is were I left the sentimental value.

You see my life rising now after I’ve given you a little preview,

but don’t expect me to grieve too!

I started excepting this after letdown number two.

And kids I hate to tell you,

but some people in your life will try their best to deceive you.

Will they? Well I think that’s up to you.

I tried to let go of the past and move forward believe me.

I never spoke on the pain I felt back then but now, I’m a beautiful canary,

And that pain, I’ll sing.

You see, when I was younger, I was definitely on the chunky side,

And I remember her and I went walking, and she spoke… and a small piece of me died.

What did she say?

“Suck your stomach in, so it’s easier to hide.”

I was twelve and you took my pride and supplied me with self-hate and a confused mind,

because even though you tried to talk your way out of it, I knew what you implied.

No wonder we can’t coincide!

Or the countless times I’d lay in bed at night,

Id hear my name as you would argue and fight.

I was hurt more then anything,

but I tucked the pain, like my stomach,

and it turned into gasoline ready to ignite.

No wonder this child’s heart was filled with so much spite.

How about when I was around 14 or 15 and I jokingly said “OkAy MoM” do you remember what you said to me?

Well I remember clearly.

“I’m not your mom, don’t call me that!”

Wow I must have offended you so deeply!

Maybe I was such a depressed child with attitudes towards you because I already knew that the LAST thing you wanted to be was a mom to me!

I was treated like a joke spilled from the lips of George Clooney.

In school I wasn’t very good with math and history,

but if that was shown on a progress report then I had to stay in my room with no t.v. And I was made to read.

I felt like a caged dog who could only escape that cage to eat,

then thrown back in and every day was on repeat.

Your church and your friends and family don’t know how you really treated me!

But as an adult I’m confused as to how anyone could blame a child who wasn’t even fifteen?

And no sir I didn’t forget about you!

I remember having no choice but to get in your truck and being snatched away from real family because of that court case.

I still remember how painful it felt as we pulled away.

I told you I hated you, and you LAUGHED right in my face!

Before that day I didn’t know the definition of hate.

What? is having more then three kids too much to put on your plate?

It must be, because the extra two kids are thrown out the window like trash,

man you’re the biggest disgrace.

The amount of times you failed as a father are higher then todays divorce rate!

And that price I heretofore paid.

You need more help with mental health then Forrest Gump does on the bad days.

Your heart contains no grace,

And for you and your family I’ll continue to pray.

Just know that for my kids sake, they will not know your name,

And In my heart you no longer have a place.

Goodbye

-Brittany