Fall wasn't over

You are telling me not to worry

In your sweet melodic voice, your hair falls and covers your eyes

I am mesmerized, because no one has looked at me the way you have

No one has loved me the way you have

As you press your thumbs into my forearm

Leave purple, blue and yellow I think of fall

I think of Thanksgiving, we were smiling then

You are much older than me, and that must mean something

I think of family friends, warm smiles and awkward nods

I act as if I know the people here, like they have not led lives I haven't

The thing about you is you do not care

About me, or my comfort

The thing about you is when you see my forearm

Purple, blue and yellow, you see the way I submit to you

You feel guilt too, not enough to stop, just enough to cry and dig harder

To have pieces of me in your fingernails and act like I gave them to you willingly

Hold me anyway, is the only thing I think as you let my arm go

Still I cower, my body knows more than my brain after all

It's a Wednesday in December when your touch makes me feel nauseous

It's a Tuesday in April when I pack up and leave

I was taught to stay uncomfortable for people who love me

Because they are the only ones who ever will again