Eugenia's Unheard Story

Let me tell you about darkness..

Not the kind of darkness you see before flipping a switch in your bedroom,

I'm talking about the darkness you see when you walk out into the street and it seems like black smog has invaded your whole city..

Your whole being…

Not being able to understand my mother’s non-speaking abilities created a black hole in my soul a malignant growth I thought I could never let go…

Black…

Turning me distant, voiceless, and cold….

Cold, see sometimes.. I just wished to be the warmth my mother wanted

Maybe if I was Deaf too, maybe we would be a little closer.. see

But I got tired of wishing…

I got tired of waiting, wanting my mother to turn around, put her hands down and just sign or speak to me..

Got tired of witnessing our poverty cycle replenishing

Tried to tell her that disability doesn't make you weak or naive

Got tired of moving, shifting... my words around to make her understand..

So I just lay on the couch burying my tears in whatever lay here.

And when I opened my eyes...

All I ever remember seeing is yellow..

Yellow round spots that bled into the golden pillows created by stains of memories I never wanted to remember…

Yellow, the color of the air refresher can I used to spray the suffocating smell of cigarettes out of my home…

More like memories creeping up my nose, knocking on my lungs, lack of oxygen, I'm losing, I'm losing breath see, sometimes..

I could never find the words to say…

I could scream and my mother would never hear me. I could cry and my mother would never notice unless I was the guy who frequently signed on the video screen…

I seen my mother struggle her disability putting a hinderance on her..

Forcing her gifts to be hidden like figures, unrevealed for more than umpteen years…

Lets fast forward to Twenty-two years…

Let me tell you about light..

Now realizing that through these struggles God was showing me my purpose

I was born from a muted soul who created soul within the voiceless

My mother could never hear sound but made sure her vibrations weighed pounds that shook my being

See those times with my mother..

Broke the shield

Broke the shield

- of the metal steel enclosed over my speaker box

Ain't no way God gave me a gift and I wont open up my mouth to allow his vision of me to be unveiled

Twenty-two years old now and all I remember seeing are specific colors of the color wheel…

Colors my mother created, that plastered happiness and pain all over my blank canvas..

Good and bad a mixture of the two… Completely opposite hues

She countered the dark and lit the yellow fire in my spirit

My mother released God given golden voice within me..

That will forever allow me to speak my truth…

And be..

Heard.