Eternal Gift

One day soon, i will die. I don't know when, but i do know when it all began. I may not grow old with my love as i wish, but what i give him instead will be an eternal gift. Knowing you will die makes no difference when you die, because you take chances at that point laughing and crying. Chances you know you will never get again. Even when advised not to. You will die FASTER if you begin. Part of you though has already died you see, especially when told you will die in a month, maybe three. Nothing can save you try as you might, come fight or flight. I believe there is always a remedy, you see. I am already past month three, and still breathing alright. Why fight a battle you know you lose in the end and pretend all is well. I hear yet again, wasted days so i am told. I am chagrin this grows old. Live like you are dying everyday, so i say. Remember, remember today or tomorrow is not promised to you or me, so just be free, let happiness flow through you like a giant tree. Smile laugh daily, as if life just began. Set a seed you can't take with you when its all said and done. Which brings me to a sweet gift, an always giving gift. Child birth, your own seed of life. It will probably kill me at this point faster than I like. Expected unless i don't undertake this quest of labor for love, i have interjected. I hide that inside me. For he, MY ALL, would try to make me withstand. So I bury it like a turtle egg deep in the sand. For to say something of this seeded plan will definitely halt its demand. With numbered days, not knowing when, or where you will draw your last breath. I would rather leap fly soar in the moment giving all of its depth. To give my love a gift in this world. A love of me and him created for our deep love of one another. That to me is far, far, far greater than leaving. Giving him nothing to hold onto but sad memories like an hourglass without sand. I rather give him something that gives him purpose, need, strength, joy. When he feels all alone on nights and sadness enter in folds. When I can't hold back. I can't whisper I love him in his ear, and promise i will always be here. It will give back his strength to him daily with no sadness then. No matter the cost I will give him a baby from me and him. Even if he has to raise the child alone for ever more, as I stated I was meant to go anyway, no time no date just without a solid pending expiration date. Knowing you will drop dead is an unimaginable fate for any to undertake. I don't wish him face that alone, with scars placed on his heart, as I part as jagged as rocks. I will leave a piece of me with him he can call his very own, and when i do i will smile from above with all my love and put into a grin, Placing it right upon my infant's chin. This way each time when he looks into that child's eyes, he sees me and will know a woman loved him completely with all her being. She with him and Allah's sweet touch, helped give him an eternal gift that will mean so much. And this man should always know she loved him from the very first hello. Shall I live through this endeavor I will treasure each moment i have with them forever. Where ever i may go I will keep them in my very soul. If I die before my child turns eight. I will pray Allah send my husband a good mate. One that will love him as much as I, and to be kind and generous with both in every design. Always smile and never provoke. For kindness is all what we really want, Isn't it folks? Even when we are alone and hurt, some people hide it like a cruel joke. If Allah heals me, and I get to stay. Amen!! Know this my heart, my love, my all, I will do my best to never part, because you are all that's in my heart... I love you now, tomorrow, always. Kiss me again, muahhh!!! Always safe within. That would be an even greater gift, i wish and pray again.