Empty

I come home feeling so tired.

I’ve cried as much as my eyes would allow.

I enter my house and it feels so empty,

I go to the bedroom and my husband goes to the kitchen;

No words spoken between us.

I feel broken and hollowed out,

Something precious has been taken from me.

I am overwhelmed by my loneliness and grief;

This was not how this was meant to be,

Not how this home was meant to feel today.

I lay on my bed exhausted...haunted by what I had expected my future to be.

So much love lost, so much pain endured, so many plans in ruin.

Why did this happen?

How did this happen?

I did everything right,

I was good, I was strong…

Yet I wasn’t good enough, wasn’t strong enough...

I let you down.

I look down at my belly and rub it, it seems lifeless and empty now.

This home...empty,

This belly...empty,

My arms...empty,

My heart...empty.

Once again, I weep,

I weep from my pain, from my loneliness, for my loss,

Emptying my bleeding heart.

My mind races. Was it me?

Did I do something wrong, something to you?

I tried to be a good mom;

I would’ve been a good mom.

I did everything I was supposed to,

But it still wasn’t enough.

You were my baby, and I lost you,

You were my baby, and I never got to say hello.

You were with me your whole life

I hope you felt my love.

You were with me your whole life

But you never felt the hugs and kisses I wished to give you.

Now, I can only say, I loved you...I love you,

Goodbye my little one.