Ebbs and Flows

I felt it for the first time,

in a long time,

when we were standing on the riverbank

between here and there.

*

Our journey was long, but you know that.

If you didn't see the contents of my soul

before that moment,

perhaps you saw the potential

in the hope I could never shake,

or you understood that life had been

heavy for longer than usual,

or maybe,

you simply believed better than I ever could.

*

We had been lost

for an agonizing length of days (months? years?)

on different roads

before we had known each other.

I suppose it only made sense

that we would stumble into one another

at some point in this life,

that is both too short and too long.

*

I had existed in the terrifying unknown

with such severity and depth,

obliviousness took a ghastly hold.

I felt lost and alone for so long,

any other state of being

ceased to coincide with the truth

I now faced everyday.

Intense flashes of what used to be

seared my temples in dreams,

only to flit away upon waking.

Maybe that is why I clung to hope;

I understood what could be.

I had lived it long ago.

*

One day, I realized I was a paper birch tree.

It's easy to recognize the importance of trees.

They tower proudly and protect

those who seek shelter,

in and under their branches.

And though I'm not as impressive

as the massive sequoias or oaks,

still, I was able to anchor myself with strong roots,

allow time to pass over me in seasons and colours,

and bend my delicate branches

without breaking.

Yes, I must be a birch tree;

dwarfed by the mighty ashes, maples, and redwoods,

but still here,

a quiet and steady

guardian of the forest.

*

So I held fast on the brightest days

and in the darkest nights

on the long journey.

I met others along the way,

some carving paths with sharp tools and sure feet,

others living more like me,

drifting along as the world

pulled where it may.

They all came and went

just as they were meant to.

*

I met you somewhere in between.

You were one of the free ones,

I could tell from afar.

I wonder,

did you know then,

that you are sunshine?

I have always known that to be true.

You are warmth to many

and radiate from the inside out.

I couldn't tell your journey

had been just as long as mine.

Maybe you took great pains

to hide the unwanted memories

that crept into your psyche

at pivotal moments;

maybe you have always been

and always will be sunshine.

I don't know.

No one knows except you.

*

Our paths collided

and so we walked together for a time.

A long time.

Neither of us intended to stay

in the other's life, it just...

happened.

With the usual ebbs and flows

of daily existence,

you always seemed to be there,

and so did I.

Sometimes on purpose.

Often by accident.

*

The adventures that ensued on lighter days

were my favourite.

They were full of possibility and

always gave me more reason to hope.

Over time,

we were able to take on challenges together

and walk places

neither of us had ventured before.

When the rocky roads and downhill slopes

met the exciting heights and breathtaking views

in equal measure,

I came to a conclusion.

Paper birch trees need sunshine to grow.

Sunshine needs something to shine upon.

We were better together.

We are better together.

*

One day,

on a simple excursion to stretch our legs,

we stopped by the edge

of a slow-moving river.

The trees rooted strong

and the sun shone brightly.

As we watched the water trickle over the rocks

on its predetermined path,

I knew.

For the first time,

in a long time,

I was happy.

***

Thanks for reading!

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