Drowning

i am staring into the abyss

the anxiety peels at my flesh

and i am spinning in circles directionless

i don’t even know where i’m at

yet, i stand motionless with a smile plastered on my face

it doesn’t quite reach my eyes but its enough to make you think i’m alright

that’s enough for me

you don’t need to know i live in turmoil internally

it’s none of your business

and i don’t want it to be

you never ask me

what is the point?

i don’t even know if i have words

well, i have words but i never know what they’re actually saying or if they even explain what is going on

i am drowning under the pressure

the pressure of being someone i’m not

and the pressure of being someone i am

it’s suffocating

just breathe

it’ll be ok they say

they’ll give me an inspirational quote or even better a bible verse that is so far out of reach it barely makes sense

but “it’s ok, things are looking up.”

then i will be left alone to navigate the path of unrighteousness myself.

it’s ok you are not ok.

for now, i’ll just drown under the pressure

the pressure of being someone i’m not

and the pressure of being someone i am