Don't look at Me

I see them all smiling

Looking so happy

Bonding

They try to include me

But I don't fit in

I feel nothing

Their emotions don't reach me

I hate pretending

Don't look at me

I can feel it on my skin

Please

I don't want to be seen in this state

I want to run away

Where are my emotions

Are they afraid

I don't want to be this way

Don't include me

Let me be

I know you don't understand my apathy

I don't want to be disappointing

Because I'm not showing my teeth smiling

I'm sorry my display isn't satisfying

Not even my own mother crying

Will get a reaction out of me

My face will feel like stone

I will feel something deep in my bones

But nothing will be shown

I didn't choose this

I can't control it

I think my mind is just still stuck

In those violent nights

Still stuck in those cold eyes

When I would I cry

So let me be

Don't look at me

I can feel my face drooping

There's nothing I can do

Let me sink

Into the ground

Where I can no longer be seen.

DONT LOOK AT ME

When I feel everything,

Clattering teeth, heavy breathing, skin itching, sweat beading, heart beating rapidly, rage inducing, self harming , hate for me, vision blurry, there's no returning, the blood is memorizing, dripping so beautifully, it's the only thing calming.

Don't look at me

What do you want from me

There's nothing

I don't even get to have me.