Does Anybody Ever Truly Fit In?

Next time you are running errands in town,

Do yourself a favour and take a look around,

Take note of all the people you see,

And ask yourself if you are truly seeing everything that they might be.

I have been living my life for awhile,

And when I used to think about fitting it, I would produce a fake smile,

The smile hid all the questions and insecurities that I had,

I thought if I avoided them, I could avoid feeling sad

When I was in high school,

I didn’t feel very “cool”,

I didn’t always feel comfortable in my own skin,

And that’s when I started to wonder “Does anybody ever truly fit in?”

As I progressed through college I didn’t identify as someone who was “smart”,

The hard work to achieve excellent grades didn’t come from my mind, it came from my heart,

My friends didn’t have to study as hard to get a similar grade,

So I questioned if I should let my success fall, uncelebrated, into the shade.

My identity doesn’t resonate solely with an athlete,

While I love exercise and am athletic, I don’t like to compete,

Other people are so passionate about their sports and routines,

I must not fit in with them unless we have the exact same dreams.

I sometimes struggle with knowing what I want out of life,

I don’t yet know if I want to be a mother or a wife,

This question makes feel left out when with my friends, who seem more sure of their paths,

But I am starting to understand that life has different stages and different drafts.

As I progress through a career I enjoy,

I know I am different than the others in the same employ,

I have moments of self-doubt when I don’t understand a joke,

When that happens, I fear my peers will see my value as broke.

I have found myself waking up some mornings to say,

“I wonder if this it? Will today be be the day?

The day where I am a going to fit in perfectly all of the time,

Because sometimes not fitting in almost feels like a crime.”

I am starting to ask myself several questions now,

“Is fitting in something I should expect or allow?

Who decides whether or not I fit in?

Who decides the criteria that has been given?”

“Do other people look at me the same way I do?

Do other people care that the moments I feel I fit in are few?

Do other people also question my identity?

Do other people wonder, what does it mean to truly be me?”

What I have realized is that fitting in doesn’t really exist,

It’s a futile search for identity that continues to persist,

I am looking for a superficial sense of belonging to define who I am,

And when it doesn’t meet my meaningless criteria it fails my exam.

Other people don’t care one little bit if I am cool, or smart, or an athlete,

And that’s when I realized that fitting in is obsolete,

My identity doesn’t hinge on belonging to this group or that,

If I let that happen my life would fall flat.

As I ponder and ponder the concept of fitting in,

I realize that it isn’t an outward thing at all, it comes from within,

I decide who I am and who I am not,

This decision from a deeper place, and is not a superficial plot.

Labels, titles, groups, relationships, jobs, and adjectives don’t define me,

Because at the end of the day, I am who I am, and it only matters what I see,

Everyone, including myself, is different from their friends, family, partners, and peers,

This is something that brings with it value and, if properly understood, should diminish fears.

Next time you are running errands in town,

Do yourself a favour and take a look around,

Take note of all the people you see,

And ask yourself if you are truly seeing everything that they might be.

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