Do You Remember?

Daddy;

Do you remember calling me 'your little star?'

I was always daddy's little girl,

And you used to take me out in your car.

You used to take me on holiday;

We had a lot of fun back in those days,

Building sandcastles on the beach,

Dancing, singing, and playing games in the sun.

Now, those days are faded memories,

Playing around and around in my mind,

They have been there since the day you left.

The day my world darkened,

The day the sun disappeared,

The day you cast me out like a shadow,

Thinking I'd never shed a tear.

The day you ran away with her.

But do not doubt my memory, Daddy,

For I heard those horrid arguments that

you shared with my mum,

Those horrible fights that kept me awake at night.

Those nightmares where I shed tears so silently

that you never heard them.

You thought because I was only seven,

That I wouldn't feel or remember the day you left us;

But a child who has been abandoned permanently remembers,

The pain,

The hurt,

The heartache,

That you left when you went away.

Now, I am a grown adult,

twenty years have passed since we spoke;

Twenty years of pain,

Facing abuse and violence alone,

In ways that you could never imagine

because you were never there.

But, dear Daddy,

I know you are unwell,

And I'm sorry for the relationship we never had.

Do I blame myself for the sorrow?

No!

I was a young child growing up in difficult circumstances,

I was once a young teenager struggling,

Then, a young adult trying to navigate a complex world,

Though you wouldn't know because you weren't there,

To see my tears,

See my pain,

See my bruises.

But;

I will no longer walk this path of sorrow and

unforgiveness;

I have no time for that,

I have no time to rebuild our toxic relationship either.

Dear Daddy;

I may not see you again,

But I will try to remember you,

The Daddy who loved me before the heartache,

The Daddy who loved me before the tears and pain,

The Daddy I once knew as 'Daddy.'

I still love you, Daddy,

But I must move on,

Look after myself,

And my family.

But, please know;

You say that you feel bad,

For what you put me through,

And I swear,

I will never put my family through the same things.