Disintegration of Connection

How can I stop this pain from erupting like an exploding star? How do I stop the tears that flow like a waterfall? Rooted like a tree that has fallen over, but is still buried deep, I am torn.

Torn is the hopeless word I dare to use for this feeling that topples mountains and moves galaxies. I feel this deep, dark hole that inhales all of who I am. And yet, I hate to describe myself in such a way, just because of the disintegration of our connection. But here I am, and here we are. Pitted to part and erupt like imploding stars. Somewhere deep, I yearn to be whole. But the broken pieces will find some new form and maybe it will be beautiful. Until then, I am torn. Wishing to stop all the chaos that is inside. To contain the life that once breathed perfection into my heart and eyes. I move away from you. Not because it is in my desires to be far away like the multitude of galaxies in the sky. But what hope do I have that the life-breathing love you once gave me would come again? Obnoxious, it sounds. Pain caused by heartbreak comes and goes. What makes this any different than the ones before?

Maybe it was the siren call of love calling my name, asking me to step up to the door and open it. Even after I had locked it tight to visitors. Maybe, just maybe, this was different just because the sun shown and simple, beautiful flowers grew where only plain dirt laid. Maybe the love is different because it was you. You who felt like warmth, a safe place to rest, and a protective house built just for me. I yearn for the arms that felt like truth and forgiveness. Maybe this one was just simply different because it mattered to me, and it was you.

This is hopeless, this torn feeling. Anger left, sadness stays, and hope has locked itself away. How could breaking be so quiet and loud at the same time? How could the impossible word torn describe all of this? Torn apart. Torn in two. Torn from the love of my life and destined to fill the empty space with more air. Making it hard for me to even breathe. This torn feeling is quite unbearable. And I wish I could turn and ask of you, "What must I do, in this unbearable world... without you?"

But in this place, the pain is erupting and ebbing in waves of dismal despair. Waves I try to take hold of, begging to stop and be calm. But its just me, torn from you exploding like a dying star.