discontent

Red pill or blue pill? If you had to choose, had to decide a life of knowing or a life of finding out, which would you pick? If you had to book a ticket, where would you go? If you had to stay or had to leave, which would you do? Red pill or blue pill? Red or blue?

Have you ever felt discontent in your own home? A well-paying job, a university degree, a cat, a dog. You come home to your loved ones and eat dinner and pray. You come home to your loved ones and do laundry and sweep. You come home, and home, and home, and home is still there, and always has been. And still the walls are stifling. And still the work is draining. And still the dog dies, and the cat runs away. Still, there’s laundry and still there’s dust. And still and still and still.

Have you ever run away? Left your family and friends behind, caught a flight without looking back? Have you ever felt the exhilaration of being somewhere new, and not knowing if you’d ever go? The people are different, the bus is different. They drive on the other side of the road, or they speak a different language, or they eat different food. You dress differently and people see you differently. You walk differently and talk differently. Home is different, and unfamiliar, and sometimes dreadful. And still, there’s dust. And still, there’s laundry. And still when you look in a mirror, it’s you. Do you ever feel discontent in your new home?

If you could stay stagnant, would you? The planes fly overhead, and they would whether you watched them or not. The birds leave for the winter and go despite the heatwave. You watch the grass grow and the flowers bloom, you watch the grass wilt, and the flowers die. The cold will creep in whether you’re outside or in, the sun will set whether you’re looking or not.

If you had escaped, would it matter? Your friends will get drinks with or without you, your mother will still be sick. The snow will fall, and the mountains won’t move. Your grandmothers’ recipes will still be used at Christmas, red cherries and all. The heat will choke you whether you want it to or not, the sun will rise regardless of if you’re awake.

Red or blue? Red or blue?