Disconnected

Disconnected

I've always had difficulty with being present in the moment

I’m disconnected from this world

I see my body but my mind is somewhere else

I repressed everything because I’ve been told I feel too much

I cry too much

And I hurt too much

Spent so long hiding these emotions that I wasn’t allowed to show

Everyone saw me as the happy kid

But happy was the only emotion i showed

All these built up feelings in my body got the best of me

It was what ultimately broke me

So caught up in pleasing my parents

I had no idea of regulating these powerful feelings

Now I’ve been getting better at it

It’s tough but I know I can do it

I wish I wasn’t like this

I wish I was able to embrace these emotions when I was younger without feeling as if I was burden

I still feel too much

I still cry too much

And I still hurt too much

And I’m okay with that

I’m learning to cope

And although I feel these things so intensely

I won’t bury them away for another day

It’s time I learn that these feelings are okay

-a.poems